Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences Purpose and Tone Guide

This guide intends to help speakers, presenters, and those conducting ‘Circling the Wagons’ conference sessions understand how to align the conferences with the Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences Statement of Purpose (number II below). The guide is divided into the following ten subheadings:

I. Considering the Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Audience
II. Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences Statement of Purpose
III. Diversity and Safe, Authentic Expression at Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences
IV. Practical Implementation for the Person Conducting the First Session
V. Practical Implementation for Speakers
VI. Keynote Speaker Instructions
VII. Community Speaker Instructions
VIII. Third Session “Story Sharing” Meeting Purpose, Tone and Logistics
IX. Prayer
X. Music

I. Considering the Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Audience

First and foremost, everyone speaking at a Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ conference should be aware that all Mormon Stories conferences are for believers and nonbelievers of all activity levels and of all sexual orientations. Some attendees hold positions in their Mormon congregations, others have been disfellowshipped or excommunicated from the Mormon Church, and still others have resigned their memberships. Many state that they attend our conferences because they have a desire to authentically interact within the framework of their Mormon cultural heritage.

The primary objective of Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ conferences is to create safe spaces where people of differing beliefs, activity levels and life-decisions can authentically discuss the issues surrounding same-sex attraction and Mormonism in hopes that safe, authentic expression will strengthen community and allow for individual healing. In order for our conferences to be emotionally safe for everyone, it is important for speakers to consider how their remarks will be heard by those who:

• Believe in the church
• No longer believe in the church
• Are active in the church
• Have left the church with no intention of ever returning
• Experience same-sex attraction and act upon it
• Experience same-sex attraction and choose celibacy or heterosexual relationships
• Family members, close friends, church leaders and fellow congregation members of all of the above

It is critical that all presenters work to preserve the safety of the Mormon Stories conference environment by striving to express their own perspectives authentically while simultaneously carefully molding their remarks in hopes that they will be safely received by the diverse Mormon Stories audience.

II. Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences Statement of Purpose

The goal of Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ conferences is to create spaces where LGBTQ or SSA individuals and their families and allies can gather to acknowledge, explore and honor shared experiences. No issues strike more deeply than who we love and how we understand and honor God. These issues carry an especially profound weight in Mormon communities and have been the source of a great deal of misunderstanding, judgment and hurt. Consequently, gay Mormons are deeply divided over how to address same-sex attraction and negotiate the choices they face.

In convening these conferences, we are inviting LGBTQ/SSA Mormons and their families and allies to step beyond historic divisions to establish a shared space where all who have ever self-identified as Mormon and have experienced same-sex attraction can speak truthfully and respectfully. Mormon Stories and the Open Stories Foundation host ‘Circling the Wagons’ conferences as an expression of our longstanding commitment to LGBTQ issues and in the spirit of our Shared Values:

1. We acknowledge the richness of Mormon heritage, teachings, and community in all of its diversity.
2. We believe that one can self-identify as Mormon based on one’s genealogy, upbringing, beliefs, relationships, and other life experiences, regardless of one’s adherence or non-adherence to the teachings or doctrines of any religious organization.
3. We seek spaces where we as Mormons can live lives of intellectual and spiritual integrity, individual conscience, and personal dignity.
4. We acknowledge and honor different spiritual paths and modes of religious or non-religious truth-seeking. We respect the convictions of those who subscribe to ideas and beliefs that differ from our own.
5. We recognize the confusion, distress, emotional trauma, and social ostracism that people on faith journeys often experience. We seek constructive ways of helping and supporting people, regardless of their ultimate decisions regarding church affiliation or activity.
6. We affirm the inherent and equal worth of all human beings. We seek spaces where Mormons (and all people) can interact as equals regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. In this spirit of egalitarianism, we prefer non-authoritarian and non-hierarchical means of organization and affiliation.

We welcome all who wish to participate in a spirit of fellowship and openness, with condemnation for none and compassion for all, in the hopes that all will experience personal renewal and discover a basis for common ground in our shared heritage.

III. Diversity and Safe, Authentic Expression at Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences

Diversity is the primary strength of Mormon Stories communities as well as the primary obstacle in the creation of safe spaces for authentic expression. Conference attendees have disparate beliefs and different experiences within Mormonism yet share a cultural heritage that discourages the authentic expression of that diversity; most attendees do not have any experience with Mormon settings allowing for authentic expression of differences. That said, Mormon Stories asserts that it is possible for Mormons having different perspectives to meet together in a common, safe community space and for individuals to authentically state their disparate beliefs and discuss their different life-decisions without attempting to alter others’ beliefs or change their behaviors. And, further, Mormon Stories maintains that strong, cohesive communities can be fostered among people of differing beliefs and practices.

In order to facilitate the creation of spaces and communities that allow for such diversity, Mormon Stories works to protect the right of all to express themselves authentically while simultaneously requesting that all presenters and attendees work to articulate their beliefs in a manner that will be safe for those listening who may subscribe to beliefs or have made life-decisions that differ from their own. Consequently, it is inappropriate for any presenters to use Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ conferences to further any political agenda or to attempt to convince others to change the perspectives they bring to the conference. ‘Circling the Wagons’ conferences are for authentic self-expression; they are not for polemics or propaganda.

IV. Practical Implementation for the Person Conducting the First Session

The community member who conducts the first session of a Mormon Stories conference sets the tone for the day. The difficult task of establishing a conference environment that is perceived by diverse attendees to be a safe space allowing for authentic expression can be achieved by including the following in the opening remarks:

• A reading of the Mormon Stories ‘Circling the Wagons’ Conferences Statement of Purpose found on the first page of this document
• An explicit call of attention to the fact that historically Mormons have not been able to create spaces where people of different beliefs, activity levels and sexual orientations can meet together to safely discuss the issues surrounding same-sex attraction and Mormonism without some attendees fearing rejection
• A statement that the objective of Mormon Stories conferences is to reach beyond historical bounds and allow for safe, authentic expression of all regardless
• An explicit call of attention to online, in-person and familial conflicts that occur over differences in belief, life decisions and attraction
• A declaration that such conflict is unnecessary and that it is time for us, as a community, to put aside the cultural notion that we must all agree on belief and practice in order to enjoy a common, safe space
• An observation that any one community member’s expression of a belief or practice does not necessarily indicate that other community members share that belief or endorse that practice
• An explicit statement that we can simply agree to disagree and can enjoy others’ authentic expressions even if they do not match our own

In an attempt to make sure that different beliefs and practices are included in the conference, it is recommended that conferences purposefully begin with a non-traditional prayer and purposefully end with a traditional prayer.

V. Practical Implementation for Speakers

In our experience, safe spaces that allow for authenticity are established when speakers focus on topics that strengthen individuals, relationships and community rather than topics that might be interpreted as attempts to convert others to any perspective. That said, and in order to achieve personal authenticity, speakers must feel free to genuinely express their own beliefs. Consequently, speakers are encouraged to say whatever it is that they really believe while explicitly making space for others to hold and articulate beliefs that differ from their own. Speakers are not encouraged to argue strongly for or against any particular ideology or institution, however; they are encouraged to authentically speak their own truths while allowing others the same courtesy.

VI. Keynote Speaker Instructions

Keynote speakers are generally allowed 25 minutes. As the breaks between sessions and the Mormon Stories “Story Sharing” Meetings (similar to testimony meetings – see number VIII below) are essential parts of Mormon Stories conferences, keynote speakers are asked to time their presentations prior to the day of the conference in order to ensure that there will be no need to shorten break time or cancel the ‘Story Sharing’ Meeting. Please do not use more time than is allotted.

VII. Community Speaker Instructions

Community speakers are generally allowed 12 to 14 minutes. It is required that community speakers write, rehearse and time their talks in advance and it is inexcusable for them to use more time than is allotted under any circumstances. Conference planners schedule the conference day carefully and attendees can only appreciate so many words no matter how astounding a story or how great a piece of wisdom. It is critical that time is preserved for breaks and the ‘Story Sharing’ Meeting as they are essential aspects of the Mormon Stories conference experience.

It is not necessary to memorize community talks. Power point presentations are discouraged as they require more effort in post-production prior to podcasting and in most cases do not improve the quality of presentations. Some of the best community talks in previous conferences have simply been read verbatim. In fact, written talks that are concisely worded are often better than more extemporaneous talks because a speaker who is reading is sure of what to say next and is more likely to stay on topic.

VIII. Third Session “Story Sharing” Meeting Purpose, Tone and Logistics

Mormon Stories “Story Sharing” Meetings are modeled after traditional Mormon testimony meetings in that the microphone is open to all community members. The purpose of “Story Sharing” Meetings is to strengthen relationships and community through a shared cultural experience in which community status is not dependent on expressing the belief that is considered right for the crowd. “Story Sharing” Meetings are most successful, then, when community members feel safe expressing themselves authentically regardless of differences in belief, sexual identity or life decisions.

The community member who conducts the “Story Sharing” Meeting can help foster the acceptance of all authentic expressions of belief by beginning the meeting with a reminder that all expressions of belief and disbelief are appropriate and by explicitly stating that through agreeing to disagree about belief we can learn to love and validate one another in our differences. As “Story Sharing” meetings are generally popular and many seem to want an opportunity to speak, it is a good idea to remind participants to keep their remarks brief in order to allow time for others. It is also important to announce that stories will be recorded for podcast.

IX: Prayer

In an attempt to make sure that different beliefs and practices are included in the conference, it is recommended that conferences purposefully begin with a non-traditional prayer and purposefully end with a traditional prayer. The non-traditional prayer validates the audience members who no longer hold traditional belief and the traditional prayer validates the audience members who do hold traditional belief. It is important to recognize, as well, that there may be many in the audience who do not believe in god and are uncomfortable with prayer in any form. Our hope is that the conference will also validate nonbelievers’ perspectives and that as they get the opportunity to authentically articulate their lack of belief, they will, in general, feel comfortable with others’ differing expressions of belief.

X: Music

All instruments and genres of music are acceptable and encouraged at Mormon Stories conferences. It is recommended that conference and music planners think carefully about how lyrics will be received by attendees of disparate beliefs and life-decisions.