Writer and comedic storyteller Elna Baker, author of the memoir The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance and a familiar voice on This American Life and The Moth Radio Hour, was the featured speaker at the second session of the 2012 Mormon Stories conference in New York City. After a musical number and an introduction by session chair Christy Clegg, Elna performs a piece she had recently done for The Moth, and the first thing she had written since her faith transition: the story of flying to Siberia, where her father runs a titanium factory, to tell her devout Mormon parents that she had lost her virginity, before a Glamour magazine essay told them for her.
Along the way she describes the year-long “break” from Mormonism she took at 27, modeled on the Amish Rumspringa, after years of being told that every crisis of faith would go away if she were just more righteous; two weeks of failing to say anything while hiking and exploring abandoned villages with her parents; the taxi ride to the airport when she mentioned that she drinks, and the three silent hours that followed; a night at the Chelsea Hotel when she realized her “light” had not gone out; and sitting in the Salt Lake Temple parking lot in a bridesmaid’s dress during her sister’s wedding, wondering whether eternity might feel exactly like that.
In the question-and-answer session that follows, Elna talks about what she would tell her younger self (“the less you say you know for certain, the better”), whether living in New York caused her transition (she credits being single more than the city), what her parents made of the article, whether she still believes in God (yes; the rest is unresolved), and why she wishes she had found a community like Mormon Stories sooner. The session closes with the hymn “Come, Come, Ye Saints.”
What’s covered
- 00:00 Conference opening and musical number by Mark Abernathy, Nate Olson, and Nate Keller
- 11:57 Christy Clegg introduces Elna Baker
- 16:03 Faith, sin, and breaking away from Mormonism
- 31:01 Reflections on identity, belief, and moving forward (audience Q&A)
- 41:28 Closing hymn and farewell
Related episodes: Elna Baker's Mormon Transition | Ep. 662 · A Curated Revue of Hilarious Tales from Mormondom (New York City Event) | Ep. 540 · 379: 2012 New York City Conference Featuring Richard Bushman, Andrew Kimball and the Sabre Rattlers
Episode Transcript
Guests: Christy Clegg, Elna Baker
This transcript is machine-generated and lightly edited for readability. The audio is authoritative. Please excuse occasional errors in names and spelling.
Introduction and Conference Opening
Guest [00:00:00] 1, 2, 3.
Guest 2 [00:00:07] Mormon Stories Podcast is a production of the Open Stories Foundation. All donations to Mormon Stories are fully tax deductible and go directly towards keeping the podcast alive and towards building a community of support for Mormons like you. To support the podcast or to join the community, please become a monthly subscriber
Christy Clegg [00:00:26] today@mormonstories.org okay, welcome to the second session. My name is Christy Clegg and I'll be conducting this session. We're going to start with a musical number by Mark Abernathy, Nate Olson, and Nate Keller.
Guest [00:00:53] Sam. With Jo
Christy Clegg [00:01:28] when you. Are.
Guest [00:01:49] For us to shine Are you so scared
Elna Baker [00:01:57] Drowning?
Guest [00:02:15] Why should the Lord think I love his heart? Why should they? Ram. Sam. Ram hal.
Guest 4 [00:06:19] Anyway, I want to thank everybody that helped put this together, especially Nate. Nate coming up from Alaska to be here, and Nate coming from 10th street with much reluctance to I'm working on another record and for those of you that don't have it, my other one, the Teacher. That song, Just Play. It's on my website. I think you can download it for a few bucks. If that's too much. Just me, I'll compute. But I'm also working on another record soon and I'm gonna have a Kickstarter campaign, so I'd like to just stay in touch. So. So I'm going to send around a piece of paper and I'd love it if you would sign up for my mailing list. And we're going to play a couple more stuff. Thank you very much.
Guest [00:08:01] Holy. Now, Sam. Just. Ram sa.
Introducing Elna Baker and Her Story
Christy Clegg [00:11:57] So I'm excited to introduce our next speaker, Elma Baker. I came across her book about four years ago. Three or four years ago I was living in Ithaca, New York, and randomly saw this book in Hoarders and I bought it on a whim and spent the next two days reading it and having the best time doing it.
Christy Clegg [00:12:23] So a little bit more about Elna. Elna is a writer and a comedic storyteller. She's appeared on Miss American Life, the Moth Radio Hour, BBC Radio 4, All Things Considered, Radiolab, Studio 360, the Sound of Young America, the Joy show, and the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. She's written for Elle, Glamour, Men's Journal, O Magazine, More Magazine, 5Dials Literary Journal, and xojane.com as a solo performer. She's created the shows if you see something, say Something, A Mexican Mormon, and A Book of Overdramatic Confessions. Her memoir, the New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, was published by Penguin, earning four stars in People's Magazine and the 2010AML Award for Best humor writing.
Christy Clegg [00:13:16] She's also the co host and co creator of the talent show recently named Best Variety show by New York Magazine. Elna is going to speak to us, and then there will be a Q and A session. Let's give a warm welcome to Elna.
Elna Baker [00:13:38] Sorry, that was the longest bio ever. Can you guys hear me? Okay, I guess I should warn you, I have a horrible ear infection in both ears right now, so I can't hear my own voice. So he was like, talking to talking and not knowing you're talking.
Elna Baker [00:13:57] Well, I guess before I was going to perform a story that I recently wrote and performed at Town hall for the Moth Radio Hour. Before I do that, I wanted, I guess, to say a few things. So when I first started writing and performing, it was probably about 10 years ago, and I felt like there was nobody putting into words what it meant for me to be a Mormon. And oddly, 10 years later, I feel like that's kind of in the media. We're really hot right now, guys, and there are a lot of voices talking about what it means to be a Mormon. But then after kind of building a career out of unintentionally building a career out of doing that, I had a kind of transition with my faith where I sort of lost faith.
Elna Baker [00:14:42] And I didn't really feel comfortable talking about not being a Mormon. And I think for two years, I didn't write anything new or know how to express that. So the piece I'm going to perform is the first piece I've written about.
Elna Baker [00:14:55] Well, and I say not being Mormon, but I think that's because when I was Mormon, I thought that if you didn't go to church or practice, that it meant that you weren't Mormon anymore. And then when I stopped practicing and I stopped going to church, I was very dismayed to realize I was still Mormon.
Christy Clegg [00:15:13] So.
Elna Baker [00:15:13] Mormon. So the piece I'm about to perform, I ran it by them. There's a few minorly controversial moments in the story. So I just want to assure you all that this is not written to offend in any way. And it's about my own personal experience and that I truly admire and applaud people who do have faith.
Elna Baker [00:15:37] So. All right, I guess I'll do that. Now I'm performing. Okay. So I'm 28 years old and I'm flying to Siberia to tell my parents that I just lost my virginity. Yeah, most people wouldn't feel compelled to do this. Honestly, most parents don't want you to talk about it. But my family is different. We're Mormon, and we're all very close.
Faith, Sin, and Breaking Away from Mormonism
Elna Baker [00:16:03] And for Mormons, sex before marriage is considered the second most serious sin, next to murder. And so in the year that I had taken a break from being Mormon and eventually ventured into having sex, I was terrified by how my parents would react if they found out. And I run this over and over in my head, thinking of all the scenarios. Worst case scenario, they disowned you. They stopped talking to you for a few years.
Elna Baker [00:16:29] And I worried about it so much that I finally decided that the only way to find out was to go fly visit them and tell them face to face. But also, I'd written an article for Glamour magazine about losing my virginity, and it was about to come out. So whether I told my parents in person or not, they were about to find out because my mother had me on Google Alert.
Elna Baker [00:16:54] And the article I wrote, it was meant to be this heartfelt piece about what it's like to know lose your virginity later in life. But then, of course, Glamour magazine got their hands on it. And you can Google it. It's horrible. It's called, Guess what? I'm not a virgin anymore, complete with a photo of me dangling a cherry above my mouth, which, and it says, the caption says, elma Baker, author and former virgin, Barack Obama and former virgin. It's not really young.
Elna Baker [00:17:28] And to make matters worse, the piece was coming out the same week as my younger sister's wedding in a Mormon temple to another Mormon. And the last thing I wanted to do was upstage the wedding. The whole family would be there, and they'd be like, julia's getting married. Elma's going to hell.
Elna Baker [00:17:46] So I decided I would give my parents fair warning and tell them now. My parents actually live in Siberia. My dad runs a titanium factory there. So it had actually been a dream of mine to go visit. I wanted to run down the halls of the factory and knock stuff over and be like, it's daddy's factory.
Elna Baker [00:18:05] And it takes three days to get to Siberia, So I have plenty of time to prepare this speech. And my goal was to tell them right when I got there. That way we would have two weeks to repair our relationship.
Elna Baker [00:18:16] And I think that part of me worried that they may disown me. But more than that, I just knew that I was going to disappoint my parents beyond heartbreak. And that's because I think that for those of you who are Mormons, Mormons believe a very specific thing, and that is that families can be together forever. So that when you die, you'll be with your parents and your grandparents and everyone that passed on before if you keep God's commandments. Well, I knowingly had just broken the second most serious commandment. So I was essentially going there to tell my parents.
Elna Baker [00:18:51] We only have a little bit more time together. And again, I was going to tell them right when I got there. Well, I stepped off the airplane and the first thing my mother said when she saw me was, you look different. And I thought, she knows.
Elna Baker [00:19:10] Like, I can't tell her now. So I didn't tell them. And then the next day we went on a hike up this mountain and there's this beautiful view and it's my mom and my dad. It was very peaceful. And I thought, all right, I need to tell them. And I clear my throat and just as I'm about to say something, my mother looks out and says, look at that pure, pure white snow.
Elna Baker [00:19:30] And I thought, I can't tell her now. And so I didn't sell them. And for two weeks I just got to be on vacation with my parents. And it was the best vacation I've ever been on. In Siberia, there's really cool. There's all these abandoned villages. So we would just sneak into houses and take stuff and we got to climb to the top of this bell tower and we played We Will Rock youk on the bells. And I've never had so much fun with my parents. And I think it was like a moment, that moment in time that you only appreciate because you know it'll never be the same.
Elna Baker [00:20:08] And I knew that I would never have the same relationship with my parents again. And so I really appreciated them. And then it was the last day of the trip and I still hadn't told them. And my dad got up early to go to work and my mom made breakfast and my dad had already left. So I thought, alright, I'll tell my mom. She can tell my dad.
Elna Baker [00:20:29] So I'm cutting into my. She made eggs over easy and I'm cutting into them and I'm just about to tell her when the egg yolk splashes up and hits me in the eye. And I say, oh my God. And my hand goes to my eye. Well, my mother drops her silverware and says, do not take the Lord's name in vain in front of me. Do you know how much that hurts me?
Elna Baker [00:20:51] And I thought, I can never tell them anything, ever. And I started to cry and I pretended it was because there was egg in my eye, but really I thought, is this what it means to be a grown up, like you can't tell your parents about your life anymore. Because when I was practicing Mormon, you know, I was living like a PG, PG13 life, so I could tell my parents pretty much everything that I was doing.
Elna Baker [00:21:18] And then when I stopped, I felt like I couldn't tell them anything anymore. Well, I didn't tell my mom. And then my dad came back from work in a cab. It's a three hour ride to the airport, so they wanted to spend more time with me, so they decided to escort me to the airport. And I got in the cab with my parents and I thought, alright, this article is about to come out. I flew all the way to Siberia, I have to tell them now.
Elna Baker [00:21:46] But then my dad started making friends with the cab driver and I was like, great, now I have to tell the cab driver in my parents. And the cab driver was fascinated by the fact that my parents lived in Siberia. And he asked my dad, he said, if there's anything that you could change about this country, what would it be? Well, my dad immediately says the alcoholism, it's ruining this country. The driver's like, yeah, but how do you change that? My father says, the answer is you never take the first sip. Because I know myself, I can't just have one brownie. So if you never take the first sip, you never enter temptation.
Elna Baker [00:22:22] Well, I'm sitting in the front seat and I pipe in, I'm like, you know, I drink now and you used to tell me that growing up, but it's totally possible to drink in moderation. Well, I turn around and my parents faces are white and they say, what you drink?
Elna Baker [00:22:41] And I say, well, you knew I was on a break from being Mormon. What did you think that that meant? And they both said, we thought it meant you weren't going to church on Sunday. And I thought, oh, we are not on the same page at all.
Elna Baker [00:22:57] And I guess it was wrong for me to try to think that my parents would understand and the need to take a break from this religion that they had raised me in, the thing that meant the most to them in the world. But I tried to be Mormon. I lived in New York City until I was 27 as a practicing Mormon. When I was 25, I was married, another Mormon. I moved to Utah. And every time I would have these crises of faith, I would be told that it was because I was doing something in my life that made me doubt. So that if I just was more righteous then the doubt would go away.
Elna Baker [00:23:35] So every time I would question it I would just try to be more Mormon, but every six months, there would be a new crisis. And finally, at the age of 27, I thought, I want to do what the Amish do. The Amish, when they're 16, they get this thing called Ramspringa, where for a year they can go out in the world and do anything that they want without any religious consciousness.
Elna Baker [00:23:58] And I don't think I was ready to be not Mormon. But I wanted to know what it was like. So I took a break. And for a year, I allowed myself to try all these things I'd never tried. And it was really hard because I think at that point, you're like, nothing comes naturally. So it's like I felt like I was forcing myself to try these things, and it didn't feel natural. And then. And eventually it did, and it changed my life. And now I was trying to share that life with my parents.
Elna Baker [00:24:30] Well, they gave me the silent treatment for the entire three hours to the airport. And then when they dropped me off, my father, as he hugged me goodbye, said, this break of yours, is it worth it? And I thought about it, because I didn't know. But I'd had one moment of clarity. And it happened at a holiday party. When I first started drinking, I would only have one drink because I'd seen Girls Gone Wild. And I was like, I don't know how many they've had.
Elna Baker [00:25:00] Bad idea. But it was a holiday party, so I had a few more drinks than usual. And I was there with this guy that I liked. And it turned out he liked me, too. And it got to be later in the night. And he said, let's go somewhere. Let's check into the Chelsea Hotel, which is this famed artist hotel in Chelsea. And, you know, I.
Elna Baker [00:25:21] At that point, I was still a virgin. I hadn't done anything like that. And I thought, but wait, I'm on a break. Yes. And so we took a cab. And I still remember the sound that my heels made on the marble floor as I walked to the front desk of the hotel. And there was this old woman, and her hair was.
Elna Baker [00:25:39] Her back was dressed, and she had this frizzy hair. And I leaned in and I said, excuse me. Is it too late to check in? And she turned around. It was like 4 in the morning. She turned around and said, actually, most people check in right about now.
Elna Baker [00:25:57] And it was like this whole other side of New York City that I'd seen for so many years and never crossed over into. And then we went upstairs, and I didn't end up sleeping with this person. But it was the first time I spend the night with someone, and I fell asleep, and probably about an hour and a half later, the Mormon girl in me woke up with a what am I doing?
Christy Clegg [00:26:19] How is this happening?
Elna Baker [00:26:21] Why am I here? This is so wrong. And, you know, I think my biggest fear of transitioning or stopping being Mormon was that if I did that, my light would go out. Because you're taught that God is light and truth and sin is evil and darkness.
Elna Baker [00:26:36] And so these choices, it was like letting darkness in. And yet, in this moment with this person I really cared about in the city out the window and had this realization that I still have my light and I can do this.
Elna Baker [00:26:56] But that's not exactly the kind of experience you can share with your dad if he asks if your break is worth it. So when my father asked me, I just told him, I don't know yet. And I got on the airplane and the doorplane shut, and I realized I flew all the way to Siberia to tell my parents that I lost my virginity. Instead, I told them that I drink in moderation.
Elna Baker [00:27:20] Well, about a month before the article came out, I called them on the phone and I told them, and it was really hard. And actually, my gay best friend later told me that the speech I gave them is literally the same speech that every gay person gives when they come out to their parents. I was like, there's this thing about me. I feel like I'm at a distance because I'm keeping it from you. I'm not doing this to hurt you. But I'm 28, and I recently lost my virginity.
Elna Baker [00:27:49] And their response was, best case scenario. They told me I would never be happy. They said that they were incredibly disappointed, but they also said that I'm their daughter and they know me and that they will always love me.
Elna Baker [00:28:06] And that was the biggest relief. And I think that things seem so much scarier before you try them. And the next time I saw my parents was at my sister's wedding, and it was at the temple in Salt Lake. And because I'm not practicing, I wasn't actually allowed to go into the wedding. But I was a bridesmaid, so I had to spend the entire service in the parking lot in a bridesmaid's dress and then come out for pictures.
Elna Baker [00:28:39] And I remember sitting in the parking lot in this stupid dress, and it was really cold and just waiting and waiting. And I remember looking up at Salt Lake City Temple, which is a beautiful building, and I thought, you know, what if Mormonism is true, and everything I was raised to believe is true, and I'm the one who's walking away from it.
Elna Baker [00:29:03] Is this what the afterlife is going to feel like if my whole family is together in this beautiful place that I can't get into, and I'm alone in a parking lot in a bridesmaid's dress for eternity? And then I also thought about my break, because it had almost been a year, and I had to sort of decide if I was going to go back or stay out.
Elna Baker [00:29:31] And I think that there's those people who can just change their mind or stop being something, but then there's other people like myself, who. It's like you need to take a break. And you do it because there's things in both worlds that you love so much, and you just want to hold onto them. But the harder you try, the further and further apart those things get, until eventually you have to let certain things go.
Elna Baker [00:29:55] And my family is the most important thing to me in my life. But eventually I had to try and live my own life. And in the end, you just hope that you make the best possible choice. Thank you.
Christy Clegg [00:30:21] Thank you, Elna. So Elna has been kind enough to do a Q and A session, so I sort of throw the baton to you guys. What questions do you have for Elna? Maybe. Maybe I can start. Helena, when you think back to before you were sort of transitioning out of the church, if you know what you know now, back then, what advice would you give to yourself?
Reflections on Identity, Belief, and Moving Forward
Elna Baker [00:31:01] I think that I think everything happened the way it was supposed to. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to know what I wanted or choose to be something sooner than I was ready or not be something.
Elna Baker [00:31:15] And I think that I would just tell myself to relax a little bit and, you know, just not feel so much pressure. I think I thought that I can make a decision in an instant and know that I was Mormon or not Mormon or that I needed to know what I was doing or that it was even humanly possible. And I think I realize now that even when I'm not practicing, there are all these things I still believe in or that still give me strength that are very Mormon concepts and that you can be okay in that space of not knowing. That sort of the less you say you know for certain, the better.
Christy Clegg [00:32:01] Thank you. Yeah.
Elna Baker [00:32:11] So you lived in New York City for a long time. Do you think living in New York had anything to do with kind of your transition away from the moment?
Christy Clegg [00:32:24] So the question was, Alma had lived in New York city for a while. And did living in New York City have anything to do with her sort of transition out of the faith?
Elna Baker [00:32:36] I think actually I was reading a piece in the Huffington Post, I think that came out yesterday or the day before about older Mormons. And has anyone read that piece? The church having this crisis about Mormons not marrying as young and that there's all these older singles wards now.
Elna Baker [00:32:53] I think a huge part of why I ended up questioning my faith was because I didn't get married. That's so stupid to say, but I think if I had gotten married when I was young or met a Mormon guy that I really connected with, I think a lot of the doubt wouldn't have been there because I would be in it for another person. I would have kids and I would really want to stick to that for the sake of a community and a family and my children.
Elna Baker [00:33:24] And I think that as I got older and struggled with dating and being single and in the singles ward over and over again, I felt like I was sort of stalling this forward motion of my life, having a relationship, having the chance to fall in love or be with people. And I think that a big part of my decision to even take a break was sort of triggered by the desire to have relationships with people.
Christy Clegg [00:33:56] Any other questions? Yeah, the back. So the question was, what did her parents think of the article?
Elna Baker [00:34:10] We kind of read like a don't ask, don't tell policy. I don't even know if they. I'm sure they read it.
Christy Clegg [00:34:17] I hope.
Elna Baker [00:34:18] I hope they didn't read it, but I'm sure they have. We've never talked about it.
Christy Clegg [00:34:24] There was another question somewhere in here. Question was, does Elna speak Spanish?
Elna Baker [00:34:37] Yeah. I grew up in Spain for five years as a kid. I don't know what Si Alba. Oh, yeah. And my family is half Mexican, from the colonies partly, though, so it's kind of like white Mexican. Yeah.
Guest 4 [00:34:59] What has happened since then?
Christy Clegg [00:35:03] So what has happened since then and where. Where's your life at now?
Elna Baker [00:35:08] Do you mean professional relationship? Are you asking if I'm single? No, I. Professionally. I'm working on another book that's fiction now. I'm also potentially in development for a TV show and I run. I work for this American Life right now. And then I also run a comedy show in Brooklyn actually tonight I have a really. The Eugene Merwin Comedy Festival is tonight. So we have a bunch of fun comedians doing a show at 8:30. If this is over by then, you're going to come. Oh, and I am dating Someone. Is that it?
Christy Clegg [00:36:02] Yeah, it's very Back. So the question was, has Elna held on to any former practices from her faith, and does she have a testimony of those pieces that she has held on to?
Elna Baker [00:36:44] I actually heard a comedian last night say that people who are raised religious only turn to God when they find out they have cancer and they have faith again. Like, please help me take the cancer away. Some joke about it, but I realized I have the weakest constitution.
Elna Baker [00:36:59] After I got an ear infection. I was like, I'll believe in Mormonism, make this ear infection go away. I believe y' all believe in again. Just let me hear. But to answer your question, when I first stopped practicing Mormonism, I think that I, you know, I would pray every day, I would read my scriptures every day, and God was like this other person who's always with me. And so when I felt like I was kind of betraying that person or not practicing, I felt like I had to actively ignore it, ignore religion, ignore God, ignore the things I knew I was supposed to do, and try to do other things. And I think for a good year and a half, I just got by
Guest 4 [00:37:46] by
Elna Baker [00:37:49] pretending I didn't know better, just ignoring my entire spiritual self. But I think that's totally not possible to keep up. I think you can only really do something like that for a year and a half, and eventually it's like little beams of light seep through and you start to think, you know, but what happens when I die? Or what happens to the people I love when they die? Or why am I here? You know, all the questions that, as a Mormon, you learn the answers to from a very young age, and when you stop having answers to them, you can't help but start to wonder.
Elna Baker [00:38:25] And so I think my relationship to that is very unresolved. And yet I finally started to have the willingness and courage to try to have a relationship to that and try to figure out what I believe in those things.
Elna Baker [00:38:43] And I still do believe. I do believe in God still. And. And the rest of it, I don't know what I believe yet, to answer your question.
Christy Clegg [00:39:01] So we might have time for one more question. There's one out there. Yeah. Great. So the question was, as Elma has transitioned out of the church, what sort of supports has she had similar. Something like Mormon stories to help in that process? If anything,
Elna Baker [00:39:51] you know, I came to knowing about Mormon stories very late in the game, and I wish I had. I feel like it was one of those things where you. There's just the feeling that you're the only person in the village. I'm the only one in the village. I'm the only one who has this. Who feels this way and suddenly realizing there is a horror community and that the feelings that I had.
Elna Baker [00:40:14] Sometimes you feel like you're being hard on yourself or you feel like something's wrong with you for thinking these things and just this sudden revelation that you're actually going through what a lot of people go through when they're, you know, struggling with their faith. And so I didn't actually have any community other than, you know, my friends that were, for the most part, not Mormon to kind of guide me through it. But I think that, you know, it's also still an ongoing process, and finding a community is very important to helping you not feel crazy, I guess.
Christy Clegg [00:40:56] Thank you so much, Elna. Let's give her a round of applause.
Guest 2 [00:41:13] Thank you for joining us today on Mormon Stories. Music today was provided by the Saber Rattlers. Check them out@sabre-rattlers.com the Mormon Stories logo was generously donated by StudioCase.com thanks for listening.
Closing Hymn and Farewell
Guest [00:41:28] Come, come, come, ye saints no toil nor labor fear but with joy wend your way though hard to you this journey may appear Grace shall be as your dead Tis better far for us to strive Our useless cares from us to drive to the San Jo your hearts will swell? Oh, all is well all is away well, Why should we mourn? I think our lot is hard
Elna Baker [00:42:33] till
Guest [00:42:33] not so all is right why should we think to earn a great reward? Lord, if we now shun the fight Gird up your lo fresh courage take our God will ever us forsake? Soon we'll have let's tell a tale. Oh, all is well all is well oh, all is well all is well. Sam. And should we die before our journey is through half a day? All is well we that are free from toil and sorrow too with the just we shall dwell but if our lives are spared Again to see the saints the rest obtain? I will make this glory swell? Oh, all is well all is well all is well all is well all is well oh, all is well. All is well all is.
Elna Baker [00:45:48] Sam.
Transcript © 2026 John P. Dehlin. All rights reserved. Brief quotations are welcome with attribution and a link to mormonstories.org; all other use requires written permission.
One Response
I liked the message presented as it was honest and forthright. Parents have a transition to make in life as their offspring mature and make their own decisions. I found that there came a point in time where I had to take a stand with my parents. One has to be true to themself and follow inner drive rather than bobble along in life bouncing off external direction. I recall the time when I was given a passive aggressive question of : did we fail as parents?- question. I replied directly and said yes. That ended the control advances. LDS supposedly believe in agency but will try to manipulate family and society in their surroundings to fit the cultural norm of perception. Congratulations on choosing your own life and endeavors. I never married as well and I give much much weight to the mormon dogma and beliefs that float around about sex and many personal choices that have no vote by neither family nor church. In my opinion. agency is about respect for self and others.