During our time in Washington I was unable to find satisfactory answers to any of these issues from the church, local church leaders/members, or from family/friends. It was a very dark and lonely time for me. Eventually I noticed many other Mormons suffering in silence over these issues – in some cases leading to serious depression, addictions, marital distress, and even suicidality. Ultimately I decided to leave my job at Microsoft, and to look for a way to help. I honestly wanted to be a part of the solution — out of a sincere love for the Mormon people.
In 2005 I started Mormon Stories Podcast as a way to model open, honest discussion of difficult Mormon issues, and to provide a place for struggling Mormons to work through these concerns. Although my early intention was also to help struggling Mormons remain active members of the church, I decided from the beginning that it would be important to interview people from all sides of the faith spectrum — apologists, believers, doubters, and even former Mormons.
John,
I don’t know what to think of you. I have read many of your posts and listen with great interest to some of your podcasts. I have wondered, “What is this guy up to?” There is a niceness about you that is at once endearing and infuriating. I think you are working out some inner conflicts in a very public way that confuses people. It seems to me that you are a sincere and honest person trying to do the right thing. You’ll pay dearly for it!
From my perspective, I hope that you will eventually overcome your conditioning and leave the limited world of Mormonism. The Mormon Church is a great social organization but, from a historical, scientific, and theological point of view, is an obvious fraud. I think you know that.
There are two things I would like to suggest.
First, please stop using the phrase “crisis of faith.” It rankles me. That phrase conditions people to believe that doubting or questioning one’s faith is a crisis. It’s not. It’s healthy to question. Doubting and questioning lead us toward the truth. Faith tethers us to the past. Please find a more positive phrase.
Second, have you read Self-Reliance by Emerson. If you haven’t, please try to find some time to read it carefully. If you have read it but it’s been a while, please read it again. It’s far more inspirational than the Mormon scriptures and, with what you’re going through, will be uplifting.
Best wishes,
John Cellini